Real Monsters by Liam Brown

Author:Liam Brown [Brown, Liam]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
ISBN: 9781910394571
Publisher: Legend Press
Published: 2015-03-01T05:00:00+00:00

Danny was gone again – although as I ghosted around the spotless apartment I found myself wondering whether he’d ever been there at all. The first few days following the passing out parade I’d refused point blank to speak to Danny, barricading him from the bedroom and forcing him to sleep on the sofa while he made half-hearted grovelling noises in my direction. To be honest I’d almost enjoyed it. After all, it was the most attention I’d had since he’d got back.

As I drove my sister to the airport we studiously avoided the topic of my faltering marriage, talking about the kids, her job, her new man – anything but Danny. Still, I couldn’t help noticing the little concerned glances she kept shooting me across the car, or the little sigh she gave whenever she said my name.

‘Oh Lorna… ’

But whatever. My sister wasn’t exactly in a position to talk when it came to tragic life stories, and as tempted as I was to jump on the plane with her and fly away from the carnage, I knew in my heart that I needed to stay and pick up the pieces. At the very least then I’d be able to see what I had.

And whether it was worth holding on to.

As the day of Danny’s departure drew closer, he did his best to bridge the chasm that had opened up between us. The day before he was due to leave he came home with a bunch of flowers – the first I’d received in my married life – and that evening we sat down and ate dinner together. As I cut into the steak he’d cooked me, Danny set about trying to apologise again. ‘Don’t,’ I said, cutting him off. ‘All I’m asking for is a bit of communication. I mean – it’s not like you’re popping down the road for a pint of milk. How long are you going to be gone for again? Three months?’ ‘Six,’ Danny mumbled. ‘Six months! And you weren’t even going to tell me?’ Danny sat there chewing his steak. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said eventually. He said the words slowly, like he meant them.

It wasn’t much.

But it was all I had.

That night we made love for the first time since he’d returned from training. It was rough, animal sex – angry, desperate – but it was good. Cathartic. And when we finally collapsed in a dehydrated heap a few hours later I knew I could never leave him. That he was as much a part of me as my leg, or my heart. I fell asleep and didn’t dream.

In the morning we said goodbye at the door, having previously decided I wouldn’t drive him to the station again, and then he was gone, walking down the hall, a small bag clutched under one arm. I was alone again. This time though, I was determined to take control of my life. If I was to be an army widow I wanted to at least fill my days with something worthwhile.

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